As much as I look calm outside, I have been struggling lately, be it my private life or working life. I have difficult past relationship that I been working hard to move on (which I finally did) and right now at this moment I am trying to manage my new relationships.
However, it is not easy. Work wise, I have to learn the art of being a versatile conversationalist with a pinch of humor and intelligence needed in order to capture the attention of the clients.
Personal life wise, a lot do not actually understand me. If i am comfortable with the person, trust me, i have plenty to talk. If i don’t, don’t expect much words from me or even a single word. People skill has always been an issue with me. I seriously hate being pushed away or the other party showed absolute no interest in keeping in contact with me nor trying to spend time with me. (been there, done that, for one damn year, I was being pushed away and ignored or he actually never sent me any fucking text to initiate conversation with me). And.. one day… the old and weary me, just gave up on the whole relationship because for one, i hate being push away and for two, i am so done whenever people show absolute no interest in being with me.
The one year of hell that i went through was a good training ground. i learn that i will only be with those who is eager to be with me. I will never ever beg for attention because i learn it the hard way, never chase love, affection or attention. If it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having. And once i given up on the person or i am done, i am really done and have absolutely no interest to spend time nor even feel like talking to them anymore.
To me, grey area is a tough call, because i have always been either a white or black decision person. and yes, this is to simplified my life instead of arguing white or black. i hope to resolve this struggling moment soon..